Secondhand stress is a unique phenomenon. Usually, we think of our life’s circumstances causing us stress; but those who are empathetic by nature can feel the mental and physical effects of others’ stress as well.
A shared lack of motivation, a sense of anxiety or general tension can seriously impact productivity across an entire department or an entire company. Many of us have an innate sense of others’ energy that science hasn’t fully unpacked yet. Because of this innate sense of empathy, it’s easy to take on the stress of others mentally and physically—that’s what we call secondhand stress.
My team looked at data from our Dignify Snapshots, which help to identify each person’s top Traits, Motivations, Natures, "Dos and Don’ts," and "Countries." The four Countries are Control, Perfect, Peace, and Fun, alongside three Natures (Soft, Balanced, and Hard). Fifty-one percent of people are soft-natured and 48% call peace their Home Country, making them more susceptible to feeling the effects of secondhand stress. Given that about 1 in every 2 people are vulnerable to this, it makes sense for a leader to be proactive in preventing it.
The power of a one-on-one conversation is unrivaled. So many leaders that I’ve worked with say, "Oh, I check in with my people daily!" What they really mean is they walk past the employees at their desks or in the field and ask "Hey, how’s it going?" to which the employees usually say, "Good!" That is "leadership by walking around." It’s not actually checking in with someone.
You need to have regular, scheduled one-on-ones with an agenda. This gives your employee time to prepare their thoughts and gives you a more accurate look at what’s really going on. The chart above lists a good starting point.
The "last 10%" is one of the most crucial topics to cover. It’s an opportunity for the employee to share anything that they need clarity on or feel uncomfortable about. However, it’s not always so easy to do. It needs to be presented in a psychologically safe environment, where they can talk about anything that’s weighing on them without risk of reprisal. It will remain private between the leader and employee. If you want honest feedback from your team, you need to ask this question and receive it openly without being defensive.
Create awareness by educating the team on secondhand stress. You might want to share this column for people to check out in their spare time. Make time during team meetings to talk about the concept and how your team might be experiencing it.
Once your team is aware of secondhand stress, take it a step further by adding a reminder to touch base on it in each one-on-one. You might ask, "On a scale of 1–5, how impacted are you by the stress of others on the team?" "Are there any specific situations that are repeatedly causing you stress?" Follow up with the same questions each month and refer to the previous month’s answers to keep tabs on it.
As a leader, you can have a remarkable effect on your team’s stress levels. If you want everyone working at peak efficiency, this is a great topic to unpack with your team to set them up for success.
One-on-one conversation starters
Meaningful connections with your team start with good meeting agendas.
Joe Kiedinger is founder and chief executive officer at Dignify. Contact Joe at joek@dignify.com.